It's got to be fun may not be true

Most exercise gurus will tell you that if your physical activity isn't enjoyable for you, you won't stick to it. Well, I'm here to tell you that that's not always true. I've been a regular exerciser for more than 30 years and I've never really enjoyed it. I don't like being hot or sweaty, I don't like sore muscles from weight lifting. I always feel like a klutz. But I like what exercise does for me: the endorphin rush, the virtuousness of meeting my commitment to myself, and the fact of doing my body a favor.

So I had to think about this when I was coaching a new client Monday night about developing a writing practice and I heard the words "it needs to be fun" come out of my mouth. And she nodded her head but I knew I needed to shift out of that. Yes, it helps if it's fun. But in her case, she's writing some painful memoir stories and we talked about her commitment and her determination to complete this project as more important than fun.

Then I got to thinking about it and realized that for me what is important is that the work be satisfying.   Sometimes it is fun. I solved a nagging problem this morning when I was doing my early hour on the novel, and that was fun, even though it involves a character who's pretty reprehensible. But more importantly, it was satisfying.

Writing every day is satisfying to me. Painting and doing collage regularly are satisfying for me. As Eric Maisel, my creativity coach says, creating is one of the most meaningful and satisfying things a human being can do. If you're struggling to keep your writing or other creative practice going, try thinking of it less in terms of fun and more in terms of satisfaction. How can you deny yourself a daily opportunity to be satisfied?

When characters do bad things

I came back Wednesday from a week's writing retreat. During the days, our group kept silence and I wrote and wrote and wrote. But since I've been back, I have written very little, even though I am faithfully showing up for my early writing hour each day. At first, I thought it might be post-retreat slump settling in early, but then I realized it was where I was in the story.

My character, Callie, is sliding into major heartbreak and is about to take a self-destructive path. Having been both of those places myself in earlier years, I think I am finding it difficult to keep enough distance from the story. Describing her reactions, her emotions, her behaviors is so familiar and so sad that I don't want to go there.

There's a belief among non-writers that we writers control our characters but that isn't my experience. I feel no more able to stop Callie from making these decisions than I could stop a sister or daughter or myself. And so I show up and write a little bit of it each day and try to soften the blows when my character does bad things.

Keep asking for what you want

Last week I was able to cross something off my wish list that had been on the list for 12 years: studio space of my own. About a month ago, my friend Amy forwarded on to me an ad from an artist looking for someone to replace her in a coop of artist's spaces. I don't always read these forwards carefully. I just see if they are on a subject of interest to my list serv and forward them on.

It was the address that caught my eye. 11th and Pine SE. That's only 9 blocks down the street. Then I saw the size of the space and the rent and I knew I wasn't forwarding this one. Not until I got a chance to look at it myself. I called Robin Urton, the artist moving out, and went to see it that afternoon. It was just what I was looking for and what I had been wanting all these years.

Most of the dozen or so spaces I've looked at over these years were too much money. Some I just called about and didn't go see. Some were way too far away or in a part of town with no parking, and I knew I'd never go with any frequency. Some were too small or in dark or dirty garages, not really studio spaces at all. Just spaces people wanted to rent out.

So every time I'd get together in a circle with friends and we'd make our wish lists, I'd put "studio space of my own." The last time I did that was on New Year's Eve, 2011. I had no special feeling it would happen soon or this year, but it seemed important to continue to want it. And now I have it. It's important to keep asking for what you really want.

A wonderful poem

The poem below was forwarded by my painter friend Susan Curington, a wildly creative woman. I loved it so much I'm posting it here. It comes from a site called Bentlily.com. I am uncertain of the author because of the way the site is set up but whoever you are, thank you.

APRIL 9, 2012

Don’t mistake creativity for magic

Don’t mistake creativity for magic

or the effluent of a big brain

it is not delicate or nimble

it is a show of nerve

they say if you run into a cougar
look him in the eyes
raise your arms over your head so you look big
and face him the whole time
you retreat

it’s like this with art
the beast is not your inner critic
it’s your weariness

it takes muscle to pin down the right word
and stamina to wait
for the flow

you will feel impatience stalk you
aching to collapse the tension
be done with it

but your creativity needs a hero
so stare down the apathy
there is originality inside you
slowly gaining steam.

Speaking up for the lowly hyphen

I've been teaching a lot lately to business professionals, doing writing refresher courses, mostly helping them hone their skills. Each group has included a discussion of the hyphens and dashes and I thought I include that conversation here.

There are three pieces of horizontal punctuation. The hyphen, the briefest of the lines, joins words together and is often used between numbers to indicate a range (of years, pages, dollar amounts). The en dash, so-called because it is the width of the en in the font you are using, is a little longer than the hyphen and has a conservative use limited to the negative sign in math or science.(More liberally, it is used in place of the em dash.) The em dash, again the width of the em in the font you are using, is the longest of the three lines and is used in place of commas, either to create an informal look or tone or to create a more dramatic visual effect on the page. En dashes are typically formatted with spaces before and after; the em dash calls for no space before or after.

Hyphenating compounds that are forming adjectives was the topic of our conversation during the recent courses. I'm a strong proponent of reader-focused writing and using the hyphen correctly helps speed comprehension for all readers. A good example of this use of the hyphen occurs in the preceding sentence: reader-focused writing. The two words "reader" and "focused" are not used individually to describe writing; rather, they are used as a combination, as a unit of meaning. When this unit precedes the noun it describes, it should be hyphenated for clarity. Here are some common examples:

a long-term issue
an agreed-upon condition
a money-based conversation
a cancer-related treatment
a part-time worker

Note that when these words don't precede the noun, they are usually not hyphenated.

I'm in it for the long term.
We agreed upon the condition.
The conversation was based on money.

However: He works part-time. His treatment was cancer-related.

Here's my favorite example.

He's a short distance runner.
He's a short-distance runner.

Both sentences are correct. The meaning differs. Email me if you don't see how (sobertruths@gmailcom) and I'll tell you.

Toughening yourself up: The unkindness of strangers

When I was a college professor, I always dreaded the end-of-term evaluations, particularly if I'd had a difficult student for he or she inevitably criticized me at great length. The worst comments came from those students I'd bent over backwards for, patiently explaining things hour after hour in the office or giving them a third make-up test to try to bring that failing score up. I think the most scathing comments came from a student who attended the first two weeks and then disappeared although she never withdrew. And while the evaluations are anonymous and not seen until grades are turned in, when you see students' handwriting day after day, you know who they are. You learn to grow a tough skin.

The same is true in the creative world. I spent a little time reading the comments of readers on my Amazon page today for Sober Truths. I'm selling a couple hundred copies a month now on Kindle and always curious to see what people think. I get lovely emails from people about how meaningful the story was and their shared experience and how they feel encouraged.

And then there are the other kinds of responses. One woman took me to task because I hadn't solved all my problems. "What kind of self-help book is this?" she queried. Well, it's not a self-help book, it's a memoir. That distinction seemed lost on her. And more recently, a guy bought it on Kindle. He hated it. Hated the writing, hated my experiences, hated it all. I wonder what he was looking for. Why he bothered to buy it and certainly why he bothered to read it.

It's a blessing that we don't all like the same things. That there's room for all kinds of writers and all kinds of writing. And once I get myself past the initial hurt, the initial disappointment that someone didn't like something I'm so proud of, I can let it go and toughen up.

Paralysis by comparison

A writer I coach in Tennessee wrote recently that an old classmate of his at the Iowa Writers Workshop was enjoying success with a novel she recently published, a novel begun in 1997. Both of the parts of this made him anxious. That she had success and that it had taken her many years to complete the book. He is struggling to find writing time amidst a full life with time-consuming ministry and small children.

In a second event this week, I watched a beginning writer not want to read in her writing support group because a more experienced writer had read first. The experienced writer was reading a polished draft and the new writer a zero draft.

In both cases, there was paralysis by comparison. Comparing our creative work or our creative process to another's is not helpful. It doesn't teach us anything about our own craft. It doesn't teach us how to improve or come to it more often or more easily. It just makes us feel bad. And it's about as valid as comparing apples to elephants.

Our process is our process. When we write, how often, how long we sit there, how easy it is. And if we don't have OUR process, it won't work for us. Our creative efforts come from our hearts, souls, minds. Not someone else's. We can admire theirs, we can love it. But however good it is is no reflection on how good ours is.

So if you find yourself caught in the realm of comparisons, step away quickly. It won't help and it sure can hurt.